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Untitled (something i whipped up in 5 minutes)

He came out of the kitchen and at her with a bulge in his pants, grinning like an idiot. At the first sight of him, and his arousal, she immediately got up from the couch.

He reached out-quickly-and grabbed onto her wrist. Before she knew anything he was pulling her into his arms.

“I love you so,” he whispered as he pressed his body against hers, grinding himself against her. She felt the hard thing against her naked thigh, eager for release, and started struggling.

“What the hell’s come over you?” She demanded as she tried to break away.

“What?” He asked back, almost innocently, as he attempted to grope at her breasts.

“Stop it,” she warned. “You’re supposed to be making dinner.”

“Well I’m sick of the food preparation,” he whined, “so fuck dinner. Let’s go straight to dessert.”

“Stop it,” she said again. “I’ve warned you about touching me before, haven’t I?”

“Yeah but you know what?” He smiled mischievously. “I like it too damn much to stop.”

Before she could say anything else he tried to hold her closer, and a hand snaked towards her thighs. Disgusted, she gave his groin her full attention-by thrusting her knee up between his legs, as hard as she could.

There was a high-pitched shriek that chilled her blood to ice. Well, a shriek and a crisp, loud snap. She heard both. Felt both.

Stepping back in fear, she saw that the bulge in his pants had been snapped into two. A large wet stain was starting to spread along his crotch.

“Oh my god!” She gasped. “What did I-”

“Look at what you did!” He screamed as he tried to grab onto his halved pride, but it simply broke off. In horror she watched the broken bulge tumble down along his trouser leg and fell to the ground with a dull thud. It was green with a streak of yellow.

She blinked.

“Oh man, I don’t believe this,” he lamented, reaching into his pants and pulling out the other half of the snapped vegetable. “You ruined a perfectly good cucumber!”

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